For as long as I can remember, I’ve struggled with self-worth. After becoming a Christian, I still felt defeated and ruled by my thoughts that I’m not worthy of anything— especially love. I have always had a problem with letting negative thoughts circle in my head. Since I have been a Christian, I have heard that our worth is found in Christ. I believed everything—that God came down in flesh as Jesus to be ridiculed until death. Doing this displayed the love He has for us, even as sinners. He did this for us so that we can be forgiven through Jesus and have a personal relationship with Him. After all, He did create us for this connection. He breathed into dust and made us into significant creatures that would later spend eternity with Him.
I have always thought those things to be true and even fought for those who believed otherwise, however, I was stuck in this cycle of downplaying my own worth. I thought that God’s love being displayed in the gospel applied to everyone but myself. I still loved Jesus and had faith that one day I would see this wrenching thought process come to pass. I have prayed countless times to believe myself as worthy and loved. Day after day, I let the thoughts circle my mind. Even today, it’s a work in progress. But today, I have a little more hope. I see Jesus more and more throughout the simplest daily tasks. After surrendering my life to Him, I have watched Him move in my life again and again. His faithfulness helped me to see that He truly cares.
Practically speaking, changing my thoughts to God’s meant paying attention to what was circling in my mind. What thoughts am I having anyway? What thoughts am I letting rule my life? Soon after doing this, I realized that my thoughts were lies. I knew them to be lies because it contradicted everything God says about me in His word. 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up to the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” This verse was an inspiration to me; I had a friend once who, after reading and discussing this verse of scripture, encouraged me write down every thought I had about myself. Then, I would turn to the Bible to see what God had to say about each very specific thought. It was life-giving. It reminded me of truth. Today when I find my thoughts spiraling, it is still the most helpful tool to look back on and create for new thoughts.
In the lowest point of my life, when I thought I was the least worthy and valuable person there was, I stumbled across a song in which the lyrics really tugged at my heart. “Canvas and Clay” is the name of the song, and the very first lyrics sing, “In my mother’s womb, you formed me with your hands. Known and loved by you before I took a breath. When I’m doubting, Lord remind me I’m wonderfully made. You’re an artist and a potter, I’m the canvas and the clay.” How beautiful it is to be known and loved. It is comforting to know we are known and loved by our Creator; reiterating it, we are WONDERFULLY made.. I cannot stress that enough. The mental description of God being the artist and potter and us being the canvas and the clay helped me to see God’s beauty written on our lives. Later the song goes on to sing, “You make all things work together for my future and for my good. You make all things work together for your glory and for your name.” If God, being the most perfect, holy, precious name there is, paints on our canvas and makes pottery from our clay, wouldn’t the outcome be such untouchable art that God cherishes and loves in the depth of His heart?
God, being the creator of all, also made the earth that we walk on and live in. How often is it that someone is in awe of a sunset or the beauty of the mountains or the sunrise at the beach? We are often in awe of the scenery because God created it. But guess what? God also created us! In Matthew 6:26-30 it says, “Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?” Continuing with verse 28, “See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin… Verse 30: If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will He not much more clothe you—you of little faith?” Literally speaking, He will take care of our needs and clothe us. But as I meditate on this scripture, I see that God clothes us in beauty as well. Think of the sceneries I mentioned; they are beautiful in every way. Aren’t we much more valuable than they? Wouldn’t God clothe us in His beauty and love as He does the earth? The earth is here today and gone tomorrow, but in God’s love, we are with Him eternally. Doesn’t that mean something? The earth is clothed in beauty, but so are we. If you’re doubting this, I pray that the Lord reminds you that you are wonderfully made. By Him, you were known and loved before you took a breath. Even today, He loves you and wants to display his untouchable art on your life. Just let Him be the artist and the potter, for you are the canvas and the clay.
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