Life is not always painful, but it can feel that way. I know firsthand what it feels like to “enjoy” certain moments in life but be so pain-filled that it makes the enjoyable things painful too. I used to live every single day in pain. I stopped doing the things I once loved, and I began to dislike anything that forced me out of bed. There were many, many days that I skipped school and work just to be at home. I hated it there, but I also hated it anywhere else. I had people who loved me and wanted the best for me. I avoided them and opened the door to lies. I would not let anyone speak into my life because they didn’t “get it.” I isolated myself and made room for the enemy to feed me such heartbreaking lies.
1 Peter 5:8-10 reads “Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will Himself restore you and make you strong, firm, and steadfast.” When I refused to let anyone speak God’s truth into my life, the enemy’s lies became so overwhelming to the point where I began to doubt God’s plan to restore me and to make me strong, firm, and steadfast. I tried to read my Bible. I knew it was God’s word and that it was true. But something in my head made me question the validity of my faith as I continued to struggle day after day. This went on and on for a couple of years until the day I tried to commit suicide. When I was hospitalized, my faith grew stronger as I spent every day in prayer fighting off the enemy. Seeing the people I love hurting for me as I returned from the hospital gave me some sort of will to live. It broke my heart to see the people who have loved me suffer—the same people who tried to help me from day one; the people who loved me through all of my heartache and regretful decisions. All they did and wanted was show me Christ’s love, and as I turned them away, I slowly began to turn Jesus away too. Not long after returning from the hospital, it clicked. If a person can love me this much, how much more can my SAVIOR love me?
One thing about Jesus is that His love is relentless. It never goes away; He does not stop at anything as he chases after us with this kind of love. It is a kind of love that is so incredibly vast that we cannot comprehend the fullness of what it is— it is THAT powerful. The fact that we get to experience this kind of love is beyond me. This kind of love is the same love that sent Him to the cross for us, despite the PAIN He would endure. Jesus asked God if there was a different way out, and His prayer was “‘My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.’” Jesus still wanted the Father’s will even though it would mean that He would go through physical torture to the point of death. And the fact that He still did it is a testament to His love for us. Because of the cross, we have a savior that allows access to eternal glory. He suffered for us knowing that we would still sin and fall short, but the good news is that even though this is true, He took on that weight of every sin that we would ever partake in to give us life. And I am not sure what you are thinking, but the reality is, that is a heck of a lot of sin to bear. Just think about the sin you have crossed in your life and add that to all the sins ANYONE has ever come across and will come across. Jesus came for the sole reason of saving, and that is what He was able to do on that sad day at the cross. Because of that sad day, we can be restored, and we can be made strong, firm, and steadfast regardless of the pain and suffering we go through. For that, I have hope.
For about a week now, I have struggled as my heart experienced pain and suffering. I began to sulk in the thoughts of the past that once led me to such a deep and dark place. It is time now to choose joy though. In this life I will encounter such pain and suffering, but it is what I do with it that allows me to live a better life. And the same goes for you. As someone who has experienced such heartache to the point of wanting to end my life multiple times, and as I still struggle with that, I am here to say that it does get better. I have my moments and my days, but it always gets better. And although those moments are miserable, I know that I will get through it. I get to learn new things and lean on the Lord in different ways. At the end of the day, I become more appreciative of God’s love that never leaves me where I am at but instead is there with me to show me new measures and new beginnings. He is there to save and is there to make us strong, firm, and steadfast. I pray that as you face adversity, you are able to take all the heartache to God so that He can move in your life and give you new hope. I pray that through the pain, you can still enjoy the enjoyable and turn to God’s truth and people.
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