If you know me or have read my blogs, you know that I have seriously struggled in the area of mental health—so bad that I have been hospitalized for it and struggle constantly with self-harm and suicidal ideation. This has been a problem all my life, but within the last 5 years, its intensity increased dramatically and became all consuming as I began walking out a life of sound mind in Jesus. Just as real as Jesus is, so is the enemy, and I have had my fair share one too many times of allowing the enemy to speak lies into my life. To briefly share a little bit of my testimony, I will say that 2 years ago the enemy almost had a hold on me. Within that year, I attempted suicide twice. I have had another experience recently where that was the case, but thank God that He has saved me from death once again. Grace upon grace upon grace has been given to me. Romans 8:1-2 says this: “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life sets you free from the law of sin and death.” Jesus sets us free from the law of sin and death, and that is praiseworthy in itself. That is it. That’s all we need. That is the grace of God upon our lives. The fact that Jesus came down to bear the weight of all sins is why we are here today, and if this is ALL I have to live, I have everything. This recent reminder and realization has been giving me an unexplainable happiness, but I will still try to explain it as best as I can. 

Continuing in Romans 8, verse 18 says, “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” This one verse means a multitude of things to me, but this is how it is speaking into my life now: The glory of God can be revealed to us no matter where we are at in life—whether we are on top of a mountain, in the depths of the valleys, or anywhere in between those two extremes. Our present sufferings do not hinder God from moving, working, or speaking into our lives. Just two days ago, I was talking to a friend who has been burnt out. She was past exhaustion but still showed up to church regardless of what she really wanted to do, and I am sure we have all been there. She had the choice of giving into what she wanted to do, or she had the choice to get up anyway and be obedient to God. She chose to honor God, and within one service, she heard from God four different times. WOW! My jaw drops at this because it is the goodness of our God displayed in someone’s life. Showing up made all the difference in the world, and to show God’s goodness even more, I would like to share how God still prevailed even when I failed to allow Him to speak into my life. 

I have been living in extreme temptation of sin and crushing my spirit in ways that block out what the Lord has to say—creating space for the enemy to whisper the false lies that fog my mind. In the past, I have prayed for the Lord’s forgiveness, but I haven’t always participated in behavioral changes that would actually lead me to healthier communion with God. After sinning, my prayers would look like “God, I’m sorry. I know it’s not what you want, and I know that what you have is what’s best for me. Help me God as I try to defeat this sin that is consuming my life.” I pray for the Lord to give me strength to fight the temptation when it comes, but when it does come, I just give in without a thought and turn to God to say “God, I hope you can forgive me just one more time.” A healthy response to temptation would still look like turning to prayer but not in the sense of telling God what you are going to do anyway, despite the conviction. Who are we to tell God “I am going to go against what you say and break your heart anyway”?! Unfortunately, that is what we do; we break God’s heart as we sin. God grieves at the expense of His children turning to sin. Yet, we want what we want and we want it as soon as it creeps in. Guys.. If I am being totally transparent, I have been mentally wanting to give into this one particular sin for over a week now, and God has been faithful in delivering me from it. Each time I would go to give in, something happened that made it impossible for me to follow through. His grace and mercies are covering me, and His goodness is evident. Although this has been my reality, I am drawn to Romans 6:1-2, which says, “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means!” Through the messiness of my sin struggle, God showed up and spoke to me. God speaks in any situation or season, and I have experienced it time and time again. The glory of God was revealed to me in a new way during that time of struggle, and as Romans 8 says, our present sufferings cannot be compared to the glory of God that is to come. We can get a little bit of Heaven on earth, but can you imagine the extent to which it goes when we are living in that eternal glory? Nothing can compare. Although His grace is covering and His mercies are new, let us turn from temptations and honor God. He wants to be with you in every season of your life. Oh God, please help us to realize the weight of our wrongs, and be with us, giving us strength to turn from sin as we fulfill our purposes and obey your will. Give us the ears to hear you speaking and the eyes to see you moving in every season. Thank you God for your goodness, faithfulness, grace, and mercies; it is more than we can ever need.