Human Error

Human error is scary yet inevitable. It’s even scarier when we deliberately make the decisions that will lead to destruction. Repeating a cycle of wrongs and hoping for a different outcome is the most common mistake in my own life. Logically, it makes sense—of course doing wrong will end in the same consequential outcome. It is most often a struggle in my life when I think I know what is best for me. It’s when I feel like I can fill a God-size hole with human effort. I let the enemy tell me that God is not trustworthy, and because of that, I must take it upon myself to control the things in my life. What a mistake.

I experience great pains and run from God, underestimating God’s power to mend the broken pieces of my heart. Looking back at this, I am reminded of His loyalty in my attempt to run from Him. in Psalm 139:7-12, it says, “Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say ‘Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,’ even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for the darkness is as light to you.” When I experience deep pain, I unfortunately go back to the very thing that has caused pain. I begin to think I deserve all the pain I endure, and it turns into a vicious cycle of self destruction. The enemy whispers lies of unworthiness and hopelessness to me as I navigate through life’s disappointments. I fall into sin and purposefully turn from God in attempt to fix it myself. I almost feel a type of betrayal from God as the enemy tries to steal my joy. 

Each time I have to deal with the consequences of my own doings, I am thankfully brought back to God through prayer, worship, and talking to the Godly mentors in my life. Thank God, as mentioned in Psalm 139, that if I settle on the far side of the sea, even God’s hand will guide me, His right hand will hold me fast. If I make my bed in the depths, He is there. Even the darkness of my sin will not be dark to Him. The night will shine like day, for the darkness is light to Him. What a vast, indescribable love that our God so willingly loves us through our sin and is even WITH US as we try to run from Him. We get to praise Him because we are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (verse 14). The Creator of the universe has formed us in such a way that is beautiful in His sight. God delights in our return to Him. God forgives us and walks with us through the darkness, even if it was brought upon us by our own decisions. As people on this earth, we will always be an imperfect representation of God. To explain what I mean, I know that I have sinned time and time again, but I know that God can use that for His glory. I know that as I speak out about His faithfulness, that I will show my flaws as a human but can be redeemed through the power of God. I pray that my heart will begin to break for the things that breaks His, and that through His power, the cycle of self destruction will end. 

I am brought back to the heart of God in Psalm 139 as it ends in a prayer: “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting” Verses 25-26). The beauty of making mistakes, even if we continually make the same ones, is that each time, we are able to reflect on the situation, identify the pattern of the toxic cycle, and grow closer to God in the process. We are given the chance to go to God in confession and ask for His strength as we are walking out our consequence. What an underrated privilege of grace that is given to us by the perfect Father. I cannot begin to understand the depths of His forgiveness, but I know that I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve it, yet Jesus provides a way for us wretched humans to be redeemed. Jesus provides a way for us to experience love like no other. Human error is inevitable but so is the love of God that meets us there.