Life has been a whirlwind of emotional takeover, and when I say takeover, I mean that I have been led by a rush of emotions, falling into things that are not what I hoped for my life at this time. Passing are my emotions and actions but steady is what God is. Never-changing, merciful, gracious God–a reminder that I hold for myself at this time. I was reading in Luke 22 when I felt the conviction of what lies I have made God to be, and those lies I told myself are opposite of His character; I was reminded of my emotional takeover and self-indulged behavior, which in total led me to leave God out of the equation and instead add distress to my life. Something I have been working on for years and constantly struggle with is halting an emotional takeover and recognizing that God is greater, He is good, and He is there for the hurting. There is guaranteed room for restoration after a period of anguish.
I have been sorrowful of the life I have made for myself, discounting God’s ability to bring peace to the chaos of sorrow that I have built. I have been reluctant to tear down this wall I put up that separates me from what God wants for my life, and more importantly, for His Kingdom. God desires for His disciples to advance in Heavenly actions–to bring Christ to the center of a broken world. When Jesus was physically here to showcase what heavenly actions resembled, His disciples were able to learn and take part in that. They lived with Jesus and attempted the life that Jesus led. Being with Jesus, the Messiah, I am sure that they were overly equipped to take on life after Jesus’ death on the cross. In my head, that makes total sense; God was an impressively splendid instructor and had Godly knowledge that He passed on to the people He lived with. As much as that logically makes sense, His disciples were human, and humans can create sorrow outside of logic. This is what overtakes the disciples right before Jesus is taken to His death.
Luke 22:39-41 explains the praying that takes place on the Mount of Olives; it says, “Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and the disciples followed Him. On reaching the place, He said to them, ‘Pray that you will not fall into temptation.’ He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed…” Later on Luke 22:45-46 says, “When He rose from prayer and went back to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. ‘Why are you asleep?’ He asked them. ‘Get up and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.'” There is a lot to unpack here. Jesus first tells His disciples to pray against falling into temptation, only to repeat Himself a second time as He returns from His solitude of prayer. The first time that He tells them to do so, He only walked a “stone’s throw beyond them.” There wasn’t much distance that separated the group and Jesus. In the time that Jesus was away, instead of praying earnestly with hope as Jesus instructed, they however became overwhelmed–sorrowful of Jesus’s soon-to-be death, that they worked their exhaustion to sleep. Jesus comes back to see this and tells them to wake up, to open their eyes and to seek prayer against temptation. Jesus’s physical presence was still there, yet they were bound to sorrow.
This sounds all too familiar to me; when I feel sorrow, I become complacent and exhausted. I freeze up, I don’t know what to do, and so I just stay stay put until I work myself up to exhaustion. I “fall asleep” to the truth of Jesus, and instead of clinging to prayer, I let sorrow overcome the joy that Jesus brought. The disciples were overwhelmed at the thought of running Jesus’s ministry without His physical presence. Jesus recognized this and begged for their prayers to seek righteousness in the absence of earthly presence. I sure wish I was there with Jesus when He was here on earth, but scripture says “here on earth as it is in Heaven” (Matthew 6:10). Yes, Jesus died a sacrificial death, but His ministry still remains here on earth. His kingdom is here and now, and as believers, it is a privilege to seek prayer when we are sorrowful–when we are overwhelmed and grieving, and when it feels like everything is in a state of total disorder. It is my prayer that instead of “falling asleep,” I am able to do as Jesus instructed– to pray against temptation, to pray against the complacency and fear of a life that I set up for myself. The kingdom is here, and Jesus wants us to reach out to Heaven and be assured in His presence.
Just as Jesus knew and warned that one of His disciples (Peter) would betray Him to His death (Luke 22:31-34), He also knew that in the same way, we would fumble with the option of temptation. Just like Peter in this situation, I beg to differ with Jesus and say “No, Jesus, I will not betray you. I will stand tall in your presence and stick by your side through thick and then.” Not in theory, but when I am actually faced with temptation, however, it is extremely difficult to stay true to that promise I want to make with God. Although I have fallen to temptation, I pray moving forward that I can stay true to my hopeful word and not continue to betray Jesus in the way that Peter did. The best part: Jesus prayed for Peter, and this was despite the knowledge He had on Peter’s betrayal. He prayed that Peter’s faith would be strong and that after Peter recognized His need for Jesus, he would return to strengthen his brothers. (Luke 22:32). Here I am, knowing my need for Jesus, returning to Him, and sharing with others what I know about a personal dispute of betrayal. Jesus hopes that return for us, and I stand with Him in agreement. I pray that we continue to seek God and ask for His presence in the midst of chaos and temptation.
momentswithmal.com 