God is Still There

A friend asked me today how my blog page was going. I suddenly realized it has been such a freeing experience as I reflect on scripture and write encouragement from that. At the same time, I realized how much I have been struggling recently, and because of that, I have not felt like writing to be transparently honest. The catch though is that I love writing, and it helps me to process things. I have been avoiding such processing even though I know that as I write out my personal revelations from scripture, confusion is put to rest. So, from my conversation with her, I was feeling motivated to process some things. I did this as I read and reflected on one of David’s many psalms.

David totally inspires me throughout his writing of Psalms. David, a man with clear indications of a man fighting depression, never failed to mention the goodness of God throughout his journey of wanting to give up. He was depressed due to 3 reasons: his relationship with God, his relationship with himself, and his relationship with his enemies. He felt abandoned by God, overtaken by his enemies, and afraid as he sensed his death being near due to his weakness and inability to keep going. These complications and despair are evident in Psalm 13 in which David wrote, “How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Look on me and answer, Lord my God. Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death, and my enemy will say, ‘I have overcome him,’ and my foes will rejoice when I fall.” The most beautiful part though is when he ends this cry for help by saying, “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the Lord’s praise, for He has been good to me.” As I have too felt abandoned by God, I have struggled with my thoughts, have held sorrow in my heart, and have felt triumphed by my enemies, I infinitely relate to David. Part of my healing process looks to David’s response in those times—more specifically when he ends his psalms by repeating truth about our Father and praising Him through the madness. I have grown such appreciation for God’s perfect character, and I discover something new about Him every day.

Time and time again I struggle and fall, but time and time again I am embraced by God’s forgiveness and mercy. I am pleased as I am reminded of God’s desire to be a listening ear and craving to be leaned on. He is the biggest deal with the capability of healing, comforting, and guiding. Like David, I cry out to God with raw emotions— Something that took a while to get used to but has been so rewarding in growing my relationship with God. When I do this, I pray, and I close my eyes while trying to picture myself being with Jesus in a safe place. When I “hear” from God, I do so mostly from images/visions, and I love that! I love that each person is spoken to differently; God does this intentionally and personally in a way that His child can understand best. When I close my eyes, I picture a bright coffee shop that is empty. The walls are straight up windows all around where you can see all of the surrounding areas outside. Pressed against the glass of the windows are colorful, gorgeous flowers and greenery. Jesus and I are sitting at the only table in the room. We are sitting across from each other with Jesus reaching out to hold my hand as He consoles me from the heartache I unleash to Him. It blows my mind how this mirrors David’s relationship with God. First, David feels abandoned, he brings it to God, he is full of despair as he prays to God, yet praises him through it all. He knows that God is still there. I feel the emotions, I openly bring it to Jesus in my talking time with Him, and I am consoled and reminded of God’s goodness, and that makes my heart long for praising. 

I am in awe of David’s ability to always be honest with God and how he never forgets to praise Him regardless of the deep pain he felt. How great is it to have leaders in the Bible who reveal God’s mighty works in their lives! You can truly see God throughout all of scripture as each author tells of Him. After all, the Word is God breathed. And also, how lucky are we to have the Bible that allows us to learn about and experience God through some words on a page! Communication is uber important and is easily distorted, but it is lovely that the Bible stays the same; it never changes and neither does God, and I think that is true evidence of God ultimately being the author of the Bible. Think about the garden when God forbids the tree of knowledge of good and evil. The serpent asks a simple question that distorts and questions the validity of what God really said. The serpent asks, “Really? None of the fruit in the garden? God says you must not eat any of it?” Later going on to say “That’s a lie! You won’t die! God knows very well that when you eat it you will become like Him – you will know good from evil!” This unfortunately tempted Eve into eating from the forbidden tree. All it takes is the distortion of never-changing truth and the contradiction of communication from the enemy to separate you from God’s outlook on you.

I pray that you can be honest in your prayers with God— sharing the depths of your hurt. I pray that even in that hurt, you can find ways to praise God as David did. I pray that you can turn to the Bible to be reminded of who God is and how He is intentional and personal and also desires to speak to you and be with you. I pray that in reading the Bible, you not only get to experience God, but also have a consuming and heartfelt desire to WANT to experience God. I pray that you want the Lord like never before and experience freedom. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom, and I pray that you are reminded that the Spirit is with you. The Lord is near and is reaching out His hand. Take it and run full speed in seeking your freedom from the enemy’s lies. God wants you to rest in His presence and to lean on Him for wisdom, comfort, encouragement, and strength. I say this as I am enduring a relapse time of loneliness, confusion, and hopelessness. There is nothing like deep pain that makes you want to end it all, but likewise, there is nothing like the freedom of Jesus when He gets you through those times. I am blessed regardless of my false, contradicting thoughts, and I know that because God says so and He means what He says while also being over-the-top happy to deliver such blessings!